Chrysler bankruptcy

BHO Taileprompter: I failed to save Chrysler from bankruptcy. I must do something to save GM. I will help promote GM's vehicle. I have been wanting a Hummer.

Sleeper agent

BHO Taileprompter: We have activated our first sleeper agent, Arlen Specter. My plan to turn America into a Communist dictatorship with me as "President for life" is coming together.

Swine flu II

BHO Taileprompter: I am taking aggressive action to stop swine flu. I am eating bacon, sausage and pork for breakfast until this pandemic is stopped.

New York flyby

BHO Taileprompter: Authorizing the Air Force 1 photo op flyby of the Statue of liberty was a mistake. I should have Photoshoped it like my birth certificate.

Prosecuting Bush officials

BHO Taileprompter: We need to prosecute Bush officials for torture. Hmm..I authorized the killing of three Somalis. Crap! They will prosecute me for murder after I leave office.

Teleprompter

BHO Taileprompter: Damn it. I got ahead of my teleprompter. I have to stop snorting crank before giving speeches.

Partisanship

BHO Taileprompter: I need for my health care bill to be nonpartisan. Tell the Republicans to vote for it or else!

Swine flu

BHO Taileprompter: This swine flu outbreak is getting serious. I hope it wasn't caused by all the pork in the stimulus.

Getting rich

BHO Taileprompter: Al Gore has gotten rich claiming anthropogenic climate change. When I leave office, I'll get rich promoting anthropogenic meteor strikes.

Bo II

BHO Taileprompter: Crap! Bo ate my stash. I'll have the secret service follow him around with a pooper scooper.

Bo

BHO Taileprompter: Michelle! This stupid dog is peeing on my leg again!

Janet Napolitano

BHO Taileprompter: Janet Napolitano thinks the 9-11 hijackers came from Canada? Quick. Get her a teleprompter.

Torture memos II

BHO Taileprompter: I would like to water board Dick Cheney.

Smoking

BHO Taileprompter: I hate sneaking up to the roof to smoke. I'll take the batteries out of the Oval Office bathroom smoke detector.

Torture memos

BHO Taileprompter: Rahm, find out who the moron was who authorized the release of the memos that proved the CIA interrogation techniques worked. Oh, that was me.

Budget cut II

BHO Taileprompter: I can't believe people don't consider $100 million a lot of money. That is 1/7 of what I spent to buy the Presidency.

Budget cut

BHO Taileprompter: People are claiming my proposed $100 million budget cut is the same as giving up two lattes a year. Someone get over to Starbucks and get me a grande mocha.

Hugo Chavez II

BHO Taileprompter: I am so glad Hugo Chavez is only a dictator and not a king. I didn't have to bow down this time.

Sundays

BHO Taileprompter: I love Sunday now that I don't have to attend church anymore. It's great to sleep in and I don't feel like a hypocrite.

"Vagina friendly"

BHO Taileprompter: Rosario Dawson said I was "vagina friendly." Hmm.. maybe for her.

Rush Limbaugh

BHO Taileprompter: I hate Rush Limbaugh. I want to kick his butt.

Hugo Chavez

BHO Taileprompter: I love Hugo Chavez. He promised me some tips on socialism and how to become "President for life."

Tea Parties

BHO Taileprompter: The tea parties must have been fizzled out. There was no mention on the front page of the New York Times.

Disapproval number

BHO Taileprompter: I can't believe 32% of Americans strongly disapprove of me. They must be racists.

Administration jobs

BHO Taileprompter: I still have over 100 administration jobs available. If you are a tax cheat, you may qualify.

College grants

BHO Taileprompter: I got a letter from Occidental College today. Since I am claiming to be an American citizen now, they want me to repay the foreign student grants they gave me.

New dog

BHO Taileprompter: Thank God, I finally got this dog. Now, I will have an excuse to walk those two blocks to the drug dealers street corner.

Stock market

BHO Taileprompter: I can't believe the stock market goes down every time I speak. Get me a new teleprompter.

"Breaking in" the White House

BHO Taileprompter: Let's see: The Oval Office, the Lincoln Bedroom, The Roosevelt room.... Hey Michelle, we forgot to "break in" the Roosevelt room.

On the desk

BHO Taileprompter: Michelle, meet me in the Oval Office at 11:00 PM. If JFK and Marilyn could leave their DNA on a desktop, so can we.

Pirates V

BHO Taileprompter: People want me to take action against the pirates in Somalia. There is no way I will do that. I saw "Blackhawk Down" and I was terrified.

Pirates IV

BHO Taileprompter: I have to convince the public I ordered the rescue. If they find out a navel officer made the decision, I will look bad. Have an "unnamed" official lie to the press.

Pirates III

BHO Taileprompter: I sicked the military on those pirates. This will show my critics I have a "pair." Now, back to that list of planned military cuts.

Pirates II

BHO Taileprompter: Talks have broken down in the pirate standoff. Someone get over to Walmart and pick up another ipod.

Pirates

BHO Taileprompter: Hey Rahm, can we use taxpayer money to pay the pirate's ransom on that American captain? I want to get the Media focus back on my tax increases.

Elitist

BHO Taileprompter: I can't believe people think I am an elitist. Michelle, is that pizza I ordered from Chicago here yet?

Roots

BHO Taileprompter: I feel a need to get in touch with my roots. I think I should visit my birthplace. Rahm, schedule a trip to Kenya.

The Economy

BHO Taileprompter: I have to get the economy fixed quickly. China is calling and threatening to fire me.

Poll numbers dropping

BHO Taileprompter: Rahm, my poll numbers are dropping. I need some positive propaganda. Get the New York Times on the phone.

Cigars

BHO Taileprompter: I found a box on Bill Clinton's old cigars in the closet. I wonder if they are still any good. Hmm..taste hand dipped.

Book deal

BHO Taileprompter: I have gotten a new book deal. I need to call Bill Ayers and have him get started writing the first draft.

Al Qaeda

BHO Taileprompter: I have reached a compromise with Al Qaeda. I am ending the war on terror and they have promised to kill us last.

Census

BHO Taileprompter: We need to count every illegal alien in the 2010 census. I want a canvasser at every Home Depot parking lot in America.

Visiting a Muslim country

BHO Taileprompter: Visiting a Muslim country and going to a Mosque was good for my soul. It somehow felt "right."

Badmouthing America

BHO Taileprompter: I wonder if I went too far Badmouthing America while overseas? I'll call Reverend Wright and get his opinion.

Economic stimulus

BHO Taileprompter: Trying to stimulate the economy is expensive. A trillion here, a trillion there, pretty soon it will add up to real money.

The Constitution

BHO Taileprompter: It's going to be cool tonight. I need something to help start a fire. I have already burned my birth certificate. What other document will I never need? Rahm, call the National Archives and have them bring over the Constitution.

Taliban

BHO Taileprompter: I wonder how I can make peace with the Taliban? I got it! I will give them an ipod with my greatest speeches.

Europeans

BHO Taileprompter: Wow! These Europeans worship me. Americans will worship me too after I finish socializing them.

Online town hall

BHO Taileprompter: I can't believe they asked me to legalize marijuana. Now, if they had asked about blow...

NK missile launch

BHO Taileprompter: North Korea has defied me and launched their missile. This is my first international crisis. I need to get expert advice on how to handle this situation. I got it! I will call Oprah.

Blagojevich II

BHO Taileprompter: I need to permanently silence Blago before he spills his guts. If I call the CIA, they may have ethical issues. I know! I'll call Bill Clinton.

Blagojevich

BHO Taileprompter: I can't believe Blagojevich tried to sell my Senate seat for $1 million. Hell, I paid more for it than that.

Birth certificate

BHO Taileprompter: The White House is cold this morning. I think I will light the fireplace. What? No kindling? I'll use my original "vault" copy birth certificate. I'm never going to need that again. Burn baby burn.

Gitmo inmates

BHO Taileprompter: Hugo Chavez wants our Gitmo inmates. Too bad I promised them to Acorn.

Being called a socialist

BHO Taileprompter: I hate being called a socialist. I am not a socialist. I am a communist. Get it right. Damn it!

Michelle's booty

BHO Taileprompter: Michelle sure does have a fine booty. I just love a woman with a big booty.

Premier of China

BHO Taileprompter: The Premier of China is on the phone. Quick! Someone get my teleprompter!

The King

BHO Taileprompter: I am tired of being the President. I want to be king.

The ipod gift

BHO Taileprompter: That sure was a fine ipod I gave the Queen. My homeboys in Chicago would kill for an ipod that fine.

Meeting the Queen

BHO Taileprompter: Queen Elizabeth II is so rude. She didn't even offer to bow down before me.