White House Haunted

BHO Taileprompter: The White House is haunted. Every time I look in a mirror I see Jimmy Carter.

Surprise visit to Afghanistan

BHO Taileprompter: My surprise visit to Afghanistan was a success. I was able to talk to Karzai on the phone!

Unemployment Up

BHO Taileprompter: Unemployment is up to 9.8%! I'll leave town and let Biden deal with it.

Summit With GOP

BHO Taileprompter: My Slurpee summit with Republicans was a failure.

Wikileak

BHO Taileprompter: I won't take this Wikileak thing laying down. I am drafting a strongly worded letter!

COP16

BHO Taileprompter: I am too embarrassed to go to the COP16 conference in Cancun. I guess I will opt-out.

Busted Lip

BHO Taileprompter: I got a boo boo on my lip playing basketball. :(

Black Friday

BHO Taileprompter: I am going #BlackFriday shopping. It is hard to buy Christmas presents for my socialist friends.

Pardoning a Turkey

BHO Taileprompter: I pardoned a turkey today and secured the turkey vote for democrats in 2012.

North Korean Attack

BHO Taileprompter: Those crazy North Koreans need to knock it off. They are giving good communists a bad name.

New Airport Scanners

BHO Taileprompter: My stock in naked body scanners is really taking off.

START Treaty

BHO Taileprompter: Congress needs to hurry up and ratify START. I lost the nuke codes again!

Headed to the airport

BHO Taileprompter: I am headed to the airport for a TSA screening. Michelle never "touches my junk" anymore.

Being Compared to Jimmy Carter

BHO Taileprompter: I wish people would stop comparing me to Jimmy Carter. I don't even like peanuts.

Superbowl Party

BHO Taileprompter: I want my Superbowl Party to look bipartisan. Invite the RINO from Louisiana who voted for Obamacare.

Harry Reid's Racial Remarks

BHO Taileprompter: Harry Reid is a moss-backed old cracker.

Going to Copenhagen

BHO Taileprompter: I am going to have to stay in Copenhagen longer now that the prostitutes are free!

Taking a bow

BHO Taileprompter: Oops! Heard thunder and accidentally took a bow.

Climategate

BHO Taileprompter: I can't believe these morons at the CRU of the University of East Anglia. Delete all our email correspondence with them.

Obamacare vote

BHO Taileprompter: We bought enough votes to get Obamacare rolling. I love Chicago style politics.

Khalid Shaikh Mohammed coming to New York

BHO Taileprompter: Hey Holder, when Khalid Shaikh Mohammed and the other four terrorists get to New York, have ACORN sign them up to vote.

Bowing down

BHO Taileprompter: I bowed down too low to Emperor Akihito of Japan. It was an accident. I was checking out his "package."

Balloon Boy

BHO Taileprompter: I wonder if Balloon Boy's dad would do a wife swap with me?

Bipartisanship on health care reform

BHO Taileprompter: We got a Republican Senator to vote for Obamacare. Finally, we have a bipartisan bill.

Winning the Nobel Peace Prize

BHO Taileprompter: If I won the Nobel Peace Prize, I can win the Heisman too! Vote for me.