Balloon Boy

BHO Taileprompter: I wonder if Balloon Boy's dad would do a wife swap with me?

Bipartisanship on health care reform

BHO Taileprompter: We got a Republican Senator to vote for Obamacare. Finally, we have a bipartisan bill.

Winning the Nobel Peace Prize

BHO Taileprompter: If I won the Nobel Peace Prize, I can win the Heisman too! Vote for me.

Meeting at UN

BHO Taileprompter: I loved being at the UN. I feel at home among all those despots.

ACORN Prostitute Videos

BHO Taileprompter: That chick in the ACORN prostitution sting video was hot. Rahm, invite her to the White House.

Health care myths

BHO Taileprompter: I am tired of people spreading myths about my health care reform. So, I am going to shut up.

ACORN Prostitute video

BHO Taileprompter: I can't believe ACORN fell for that prostitute scam. I learned a long time ago that all the pretty hookers were a setup.

9-12 Rally

BHO Taileprompter: Hmmm... Huge tea party in DC tomorrow. Rahm, have the Secret Service pick me up at the back door. I'm leaving town.

Jobs

BHO Taileprompter: I promised to create 600,000 jobs this summer. We only lost 900,000. Not bad.

Passing Obamacare

BHO Taileprompter: I am going to give the Republicans one more chance to do what I say. Then, bipartisanship is over.

Personal Income Taxes

BHO Taileprompter: I don't know why I am paying so much in tax. I need to get Charlie Rangel to do my taxes.

Teddy Kennedy

BHO Taileprompter: I was honored to eulogize Teddy Kennedy. He was a fine socialist.

Death Panels

BHO Taileprompter: I don't understand the Republican opposition to "Death Panels" for the elderly. I thought they wanted to lower the deficit.

Vacation

BHO Taileprompter: I really needed this vacation. Running up the national deficit is exhausting.

Medical Cash for Clunkers

BHO Taileprompter: Cash for Clunkers was great. I am adding it to health care reform. Say goodbye to granny.

Obama Joker Artist

BHO Taileprompter: The person behind the "Joker" posters is from Chicago. I knew my mob connections would come in handy someday.

Using Granny to support Obamacare

BHO Taileprompter: Invoking my dead grandmother to counter the 'death panel' argument was brilliant. Whatever happened to her ashes anyway?

Demonizing Doctors

BHO Taileprompter: People wonder why I am accusing doctors of wanting to snip off body parts, but I will never tell the public about my horrible circumcision accident.

ObamaCare protesters are Nazis

BHO Taileprompter: I wish Democrats would stop calling the health care reform protesters Nazis. Nazis were good socialists.

Seniors protesting ObamaCare

BHO Taileprompter: Don't worry. We will euthanize these old geezers protesting health care reform after we get the public option.

Sotomayor sworn in

BHO Taileprompter: Now that Justice Sotomayor is on the court, we can start overturning that pesky Bill of Rights.

Ending 'War on Terror"

BHO Taileprompter: Now that the "war on terror" is officially over, I can invite Osama bin Laden to the WH for a beer summit.

Cash for Clunkers

BHO Taileprompter: I love this Cash for Clunkers program. I wonder if I can trade in Michelle?

Kenyan Birth Certificate

BHO Taileprompter: This Kenyan birth certificate was a great idea. This will distract people from my Indonesian adoption.

Muslim history

BHO Taileprompter: Who cares if I used to be a Muslim. I never swore an official allegiance to Al Queda.