Sunday, December 6, 2009

Going to Copenhagen

BHO Taileprompter: I am going to have to stay in Copenhagen longer now that the prostitutes are free!

Saturday, December 5, 2009

Taking a bow

BHO Taileprompter: Oops! Heard thunder and accidentally took a bow.

Friday, November 27, 2009


BHO Taileprompter: I can't believe these morons at the CRU of the University of East Anglia. Delete all our email correspondence with them.

Saturday, November 21, 2009

Obamacare vote

BHO Taileprompter: We bought enough votes to get Obamacare rolling. I love Chicago style politics.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Khalid Shaikh Mohammed coming to New York

BHO Taileprompter: Hey Holder, when Khalid Shaikh Mohammed and the other four terrorists get to New York, have ACORN sign them up to vote.

Saturday, November 14, 2009

Bowing down

BHO Taileprompter: I bowed down too low to Emperor Akihito of Japan. It was an accident. I was checking out his "package."

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Balloon Boy

BHO Taileprompter: I wonder if Balloon Boy's dad would do a wife swap with me?

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Bipartisanship on health care reform

BHO Taileprompter: We got a Republican Senator to vote for Obamacare. Finally, we have a bipartisan bill.

Saturday, October 10, 2009

Winning the Nobel Peace Prize

BHO Taileprompter: If I won the Nobel Peace Prize, I can win the Heisman too! Vote for me.

Saturday, September 26, 2009

Meeting at UN

BHO Taileprompter: I loved being at the UN. I feel at home among all those despots.

Sunday, September 20, 2009

ACORN Prostitute Videos

BHO Taileprompter: That chick in the ACORN prostitution sting video was hot. Rahm, invite her to the White House.

Saturday, September 19, 2009

Health care myths

BHO Taileprompter: I am tired of people spreading myths about my health care reform. So, I am going to shut up.

Monday, September 14, 2009

ACORN Prostitute video

BHO Taileprompter: I can't believe ACORN fell for that prostitute scam. I learned a long time ago that all the pretty hookers were a setup.

Friday, September 11, 2009

9-12 Rally

BHO Taileprompter: Hmmm... Huge tea party in DC tomorrow. Rahm, have the Secret Service pick me up at the back door. I'm leaving town.

Saturday, September 5, 2009


BHO Taileprompter: I promised to create 600,000 jobs this summer. We only lost 900,000. Not bad.

Thursday, September 3, 2009

Passing Obamacare

BHO Taileprompter: I am going to give the Republicans one more chance to do what I say. Then, bipartisanship is over.

Sunday, August 30, 2009

Personal Income Taxes

BHO Taileprompter: I don't know why I am paying so much in tax. I need to get Charlie Rangel to do my taxes.

Saturday, August 29, 2009

Teddy Kennedy

BHO Taileprompter: I was honored to eulogize Teddy Kennedy. He was a fine socialist.

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Death Panels

BHO Taileprompter: I don't understand the Republican opposition to "Death Panels" for the elderly. I thought they wanted to lower the deficit.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009


BHO Taileprompter: I really needed this vacation. Running up the national deficit is exhausting.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Medical Cash for Clunkers

BHO Taileprompter: Cash for Clunkers was great. I am adding it to health care reform. Say goodbye to granny.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Obama Joker Artist

BHO Taileprompter: The person behind the "Joker" posters is from Chicago. I knew my mob connections would come in handy someday.

Sunday, August 16, 2009

Using Granny to support Obamacare

BHO Taileprompter: Invoking my dead grandmother to counter the 'death panel' argument was brilliant. Whatever happened to her ashes anyway?

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Demonizing Doctors

BHO Taileprompter: People wonder why I am accusing doctors of wanting to snip off body parts, but I will never tell the public about my horrible circumcision accident.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

ObamaCare protesters are Nazis

BHO Taileprompter: I wish Democrats would stop calling the health care reform protesters Nazis. Nazis were good socialists.

Monday, August 10, 2009

Seniors protesting ObamaCare

BHO Taileprompter: Don't worry. We will euthanize these old geezers protesting health care reform after we get the public option.

Saturday, August 8, 2009

Sotomayor sworn in

BHO Taileprompter: Now that Justice Sotomayor is on the court, we can start overturning that pesky Bill of Rights.

Thursday, August 6, 2009

Ending 'War on Terror"

BHO Taileprompter: Now that the "war on terror" is officially over, I can invite Osama bin Laden to the WH for a beer summit.

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Cash for Clunkers

BHO Taileprompter: I love this Cash for Clunkers program. I wonder if I can trade in Michelle?

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Kenyan Birth Certificate

BHO Taileprompter: This Kenyan birth certificate was a great idea. This will distract people from my Indonesian adoption.

Saturday, August 1, 2009

Muslim history

BHO Taileprompter: Who cares if I used to be a Muslim. I never swore an official allegiance to Al Queda.

Sarah Palin

BHO Taileprompter: Our plan to smear and marginalize Sarah Palin is working like a charm. Great job, Rahm!

Thursday, July 30, 2009

Beer summit

BHO Taileprompter: I had a hard time deciding the correct beer for the beer summit. Since, I invited a cop, I chose Colt 45.

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Changing ObamaCare

BHO Taileprompter: If the Blue dogs want to change ObamaCare, let them take out the part where we euthanize old people to save money.

Sunday, July 26, 2009

Poll numbers

BHO Taileprompter: My poll numbers are still dropping. Fire the New York Times and MSNBC. The Huffington Post will do all our PR now.

Saturday, July 25, 2009


BHO Taileprompter: The CBO keeps calling my ObamaCare plan savings a lie. Fire the head of the CBO. Oh crap. He doesn't work for me.

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Health care speech

BHO Taileprompter: Americans aren't buying my health care reform speeches. I wonder why? Get me a different teleprompter!

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Rescuing the economy

BHO Taileprompter: I have "rescued the economy." Time for a smoke and a quickie.

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Hillary Clinton

BHO Taileprompter: Rahm, get my Secretary Of State on the phone. You don't remember her name? Me neither.

Monday, July 20, 2009

Canned pork

BHO Taileprompter: Why are people upset we bought $16 million in canned pork with stimulus money? I am donating it to my friends the Israelis.

Health insurance for illegals

BHO Taileprompter: Democrats defeated the Republican amendment to strip coverage of illegals from health care reform. Finally, my aunt in Boston will be able to get coverage.

Saturday, July 18, 2009

Democrat's Health Care Plan

BHO Taileprompter: I can't sign a plan that increases the deficit. Keep cooking the books until you show a surplus.

Friday, July 17, 2009

Health care reform

BHO Taileprompter: Have heart we will pass health care reform. Of course, after it passes you will have to wait years if you need a new heart.

Thursday, July 16, 2009


BHO Taileprompter: I am thinking about tearing down the Washington Monument and building a statue of myself in it's place.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Nationalized Health care

BHO Taileprompter: If republicans don't like my nationalizing of health care, I'll Rahm it up their butts.

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Meeting the Pope

BHO Taileprompter: I would have bowed down for the Pope, but I only do that for Arab Kings and Communist dictators.

Monday, July 13, 2009

Rattner resigns

BHO Taileprompter: Kudos to Rattner for saving the UAW...err..GM and Chrysler.

Sunday, July 12, 2009

Poor economic news

BHO Taileprompter: The stimulus plan is working as intended. As soon as the economy completely collapses, people will embrace my socialist agenda.

Friday, July 10, 2009

Leering at a booty

BHO Taileprompter: Michelle is mad about me leering at that woman's booty in France. It sure was a fine caboose though.

Thursday, July 9, 2009


BHO Taileprompter: My high tech Blackberry has a virus. I need to stay off YouPorn.

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Presidential Approval Rating is -5

BHO Taileprompter: OMG. My Presidential Approval Rating is -5. Raise taxes and keep raising them until my approval goes up.

Monday, July 6, 2009

GM and Chrysler sales down

BHO Taileprompter: Chrysler, GM and Toyota had the worst sales performance in June. What can I do? I'll buy a Lexus!

Sunday, July 5, 2009

Trip to Russia

BHO Taileprompter: I am looking forward to this trip to Russia. They have a lot of great Mosques there.

Saturday, July 4, 2009

NK missiles

BHO Taileprompter: Take me to the bunker. NK is firing missiles at us. Oh wait, that's just fireworks.

Thursday, July 2, 2009


BHO Taileprompter: Unemployment is up to 9.5%. Hire more czars!

Wednesday, July 1, 2009


BHO Taileprompter: I think I will skip my annual pilgrimage to Mecca and vacation at Martha's Vineyard this year.

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Approval dropping

BHO Taileprompter: My approval is dropping. I'll raise taxes, nationalize industry and socialize medicine. That will help.

Monday, June 29, 2009

President of Honduras ousted

BHO Taileprompter: Hugo Chavez' buddy has been ousted as President of Honduras. Finally, an event I can honestly criticize.

Sunday, June 28, 2009

Michael Jackson

BHO Taileprompter: I am glad Michael Jackson converted to Islam before he died.

Saturday, June 27, 2009

Cap and Trade Passes House

BHO Taileprompter: Cap and Trade has passed the House. Allah Akbar! Oops, I mean thank God.

Thursday, June 25, 2009

Government Health Care

BHO Taileprompter: This government health care plan is crap. I am sticking with Blue Cross/Blue Shield.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Iranian invitation to 4th of July embassy parties

BHO Taileprompter: Cancel the Iranians invitation to the 4th of July party. See is Venezuela and Syria are available.

Tuesday, June 23, 2009


BHO Taileprompter: I'll sick the FDA on those nasty smokers. That will teach them. Rahm, run over to 7-Eleven and get me some Marlboro's.

Monday, June 22, 2009


BHO Taileprompter: I need to get on the good side of Iran's leader Ahmadinejad. I will nominate Iran to the UN Human Rights Council.

Sunday, June 21, 2009

Iran Elections II

BHO Taileprompter: Protesters are being shot in the streets in Iran. What should I do? Come on girls, let's go for ice cream.

Thursday, June 18, 2009

NK may launch missile at Hawaii

BHO Taileprompter: The North Koreans are launching a missile at Hawaii? Wake me up when the fire one at Kenya.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Iran elections

BHO Taileprompter: One Iranian Province tallied 132% of the vote. Acorn never got me over 110%.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Health care plan

BHO Taileprompter: Doctors don't like my health care plan. What do they know? They said crack would kill me years ago.

Monday, June 15, 2009

Three million new jobs

BHO Taileprompter: How can I keep my promise to create three million new jobs in this economy? I will create three million new czars!

Sunday, June 14, 2009

Ahmadinejad II

BHO Taileprompter: Ahmadinejad is beating his opponents down in the streets with clubs. I wish I could do that.

Saturday, June 13, 2009


BHO Taileprompter: Ahmadinejad won re-election in Iran. Way to go bro.

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Israel two state solution

BHO Taileprompter: I am proposing a two state solution to the Israeli-Palestinian problem. They state what they want and I state what they are going to do.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Reverend Wright

BHO Taileprompter: I sure miss Reverend Wright's fiery sermons. He's practically an honorary Muslim.

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Pay as you go

BHO Taileprompter: I am introducing "pay as you go." I learned that from my dealer in Chicago.

Monday, June 8, 2009

Don't ask, don't tell

BHO Taileprompter: Gays are mad I supported "don't ask, don't tell." I have had that policy with Michelle for years.

Sunday, June 7, 2009

French women

BHO Taileprompter: These French women don't shave. Michelle would look like Chewbacca if she didn't.

Saturday, June 6, 2009

Sotomayor is a racist II

BHO Taileprompter: Sotomayor seems to think minorities are smarter than white men. I am really starting to like her.

Friday, June 5, 2009

Al Gore

BHO Taileprompter: I'll send Al Gore to NK to negotiate the release of our reporters. If we are lucky, they will keep him.

Thursday, June 4, 2009

Chavez calls Obama a socialist

BHO Taileprompter: Hugo Chavez called me a socialist. For the last time, I am not a socialist. I am a communist.

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Visit to Saudi Arabia

BHO Taileprompter: Saudi Arabia is a lovely place. It feels good to be in the birthplace of my religion.

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Middle East visit

BHO Taileprompter: I need to go to Mecca for the Hajj soon.

Monday, June 1, 2009

Nationalizing businesses

BHO Taileprompter: I now own CitiBank, Chase, Chrysler, GM and Fannie Mae. This is better than playing Monopoly.

Sunday, May 31, 2009

Stoping the critics

BHO Taileprompter: I need to make my critics look stupid. Call the CDC and find out what virus Joe Biden is infected with.

Saturday, May 30, 2009

Burger runs

BHO Taileprompter: So, NK is testing nukes and launching missiles, the Iranians are developing nukes and the Taliban are resurgent. Anyone want to go for a burger?

Friday, May 29, 2009

Sotomayor is a racist

BHO Taileprompter: MY SCOTUS nominee Sotomayor is accused of being a racist against white men. Is that wrong?

Thursday, May 28, 2009

Chrysler dealership closings

BHO Taileprompter: I didn't close those Chrysler dealerships because they donated to the GOP. I closed them because they are rich white Republican scum.

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Burris tapes

BHO Taileprompter: So, Burris Promised to 'do something' for Blagojevich to get my Senate seat. I promised to do something to Blagojevich if he opened his mouth and talked.

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Hispanic Supreme court pick

BHO Taileprompter: Picking a hispanic for the Supreme Court shold lock the illegal migrant vote up for Democrats in the next election.

Monday, May 25, 2009

Memorial Day

BHO Taileprompter: Rahm, plan a working cook out for Memorial Day. I want to plan some more military budget cuts.

Sunday, May 24, 2009

White House briefings

BHO Taileprompter: I want all the White House briefings done in "rap" from now on.

Saturday, May 23, 2009

Joe Biden's mouth

BHO Taileprompter: Has that duct tape I ordered arrived? Tell Joe Biden I need to see him.

Friday, May 22, 2009

Stopping terrorists

BHO Taileprompter: Upholding values will shield us from terror. If that fails, I will name Bill Ayers my envoy to Al Qaeda.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Closing Gitmo

BHO Taileprompter: If the Democrats in Congress won't give me any money, I will house the terrorists in trailers on the White House lawn.

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

New mileage standards

BHO Taileprompter: I hope people don't find out I drove a Chrysler 300c. It only got 18 MPG in Chicago. I would have bought a World Car, but I didn't want to look gay.

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Increasing gas mileage

BHO Taileprompter: My new regulations will save gas and force people to buy electric cars. We won't have gas tax revenue to fix roads? No problem. I'll tax electricity.

Monday, May 18, 2009

Al Gore

BHO Taileprompter: Al Gore is on the phone. He saw the latest global warming numbers and is feeling suicidal.

Palestinian statehood

BHO Taileprompter: There will be a Palestinian state before my term ends. Allah Akbar! Oops. I mean God willing.

Nancy Pelosi

BHO Taileprompter: Bring the Secret Service bus to the Capitol. I need something to throw Nancy Pelosi under.

Sunday, May 17, 2009

Notre Dame protests

BHO Taileprompter: These abortion protesters misunderstand my position. I am pro life. Mine.

Saturday, May 16, 2009

Talking to Pelosi about CIA

BHO Taileprompter: I tried to call Nancy Pelosi and talk about this CIA/torture mess, but she was too busy trying to remove her foot from her mouth.

Friday, May 15, 2009

CIA and Pelosi

BHO Taileprompter: I wonder why Nancy Pelosi is angry the CIA lied to her. She never complains when I do it.

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Warning Israel not to attack Iran

BHO Taileprompter: I warned Israel not to attack my brethren in Iran. If they do, I am going to hold my breath until I turn blue.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Detainee photos

BHO Taileprompter: I have decided to not release the detainee photos. I want them for my private collection.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Consumer spending

BHO Taileprompter: Consumer spending needs to improve to end the recession. I will raise taxes and keep raising taxes until people have more money to spend.

New taxes

BHO Taileprompter: Rahm, tell the Democrats in the Senate there is no way I will let them tax Coke. Oh, they mean the sugary drink.

Monday, May 11, 2009

Inheritance tax

BHO Taileprompter: I see dead people and I think I know a way to tax them.

Wanda Sykes

BHO Taileprompter: When Wanda Sykes said, "I hope Rush Limbaugh's kidneys fail." My bladder failed. Good thing I was wearing a dark suit.

Sunday, May 10, 2009


BHO Taileprompter: I don't understand Rush Limbaugh doing Oxycontin. Smoking crack is so much more fun.

Saturday, May 9, 2009

Meeting Barney Frank

BHO Taileprompter: Barney Frank just called- he wants to meet me in mens room. Signal is 2 long 1 short foot tap followed by stress test.

Friday, May 8, 2009

Funding gay bar research

BHO Taileprompter: People are upset over the $400K spent on gay bar research. I guess I will just do that research myself.

Thursday, May 7, 2009

Tax enforcement

BHO Taileprompter: I am doubling the tax law enforcement budget. This won't be popular with my Cabinet.

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

National Prayer Day

BHO Taileprompter: People should get off my back over skipping National Prayer day. I pray 5 times per day towards Mecca.

Illegal aliens

BHO Taileprompter: I have to put a stop to the INS deporting illegal aliens. If not, they may come get me next.

Monday, May 4, 2009

Bond holders

BHO Taileprompter: They are lying when they say I threatened Chrysler bondholders with bad PR. I threatened them with the IRS.

White House reporters

BHO Taileprompter: Gibbs, I want the White House reporters on "bended knee" when I enter the press room.

Sunday, May 3, 2009


BHO Taileprompter: After a hard day "presidenting," it feels good to slip into a snuggie and watch ABC trash my opponents.

Saturday, May 2, 2009

Supreme Court replacement

BHO Taileprompter: When I replace Souter, I need to cover one of my constituent bases. I'll nominate William Ayers. Then, I'll have my terrorist base covered.

Friday, May 1, 2009

Prisoner pictures

BHO Taileprompter: These pictures I released of Al Qaeda being masked and chained nude are disgusting. They remind me of my honeymoon.

Oval Office

BHO Taileprompter: Time to start a new day. I'll head over to my throne room. Oops! I mean Oval Office.

Thursday, April 30, 2009

Chrysler bankruptcy

BHO Taileprompter: I failed to save Chrysler from bankruptcy. I must do something to save GM. I will help promote GM's vehicle. I have been wanting a Hummer.

Sleeper agent

BHO Taileprompter: We have activated our first sleeper agent, Arlen Specter. My plan to turn America into a Communist dictatorship with me as "President for life" is coming together.

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Swine flu II

BHO Taileprompter: I am taking aggressive action to stop swine flu. I am eating bacon, sausage and pork for breakfast until this pandemic is stopped.

New York flyby

BHO Taileprompter: Authorizing the Air Force 1 photo op flyby of the Statue of liberty was a mistake. I should have Photoshoped it like my birth certificate.

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Prosecuting Bush officials

BHO Taileprompter: We need to prosecute Bush officials for torture. Hmm..I authorized the killing of three Somalis. Crap! They will prosecute me for murder after I leave office.

Monday, April 27, 2009


BHO Taileprompter: Damn it. I got ahead of my teleprompter. I have to stop snorting crank before giving speeches.

Sunday, April 26, 2009


BHO Taileprompter: I need for my health care bill to be nonpartisan. Tell the Republicans to vote for it or else!

Saturday, April 25, 2009

Swine flu

BHO Taileprompter: This swine flu outbreak is getting serious. I hope it wasn't caused by all the pork in the stimulus.

Getting rich

BHO Taileprompter: Al Gore has gotten rich claiming anthropogenic climate change. When I leave office, I'll get rich promoting anthropogenic meteor strikes.

Friday, April 24, 2009


BHO Taileprompter: Crap! Bo ate my stash. I'll have the secret service follow him around with a pooper scooper.


BHO Taileprompter: Michelle! This stupid dog is peeing on my leg again!

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Janet Napolitano

BHO Taileprompter: Janet Napolitano thinks the 9-11 hijackers came from Canada? Quick. Get her a teleprompter.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Torture memos II

BHO Taileprompter: I would like to water board Dick Cheney.


BHO Taileprompter: I hate sneaking up to the roof to smoke. I'll take the batteries out of the Oval Office bathroom smoke detector.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Torture memos

BHO Taileprompter: Rahm, find out who the moron was who authorized the release of the memos that proved the CIA interrogation techniques worked. Oh, that was me.

Budget cut II

BHO Taileprompter: I can't believe people don't consider $100 million a lot of money. That is 1/7 of what I spent to buy the Presidency.

Monday, April 20, 2009

Budget cut

BHO Taileprompter: People are claiming my proposed $100 million budget cut is the same as giving up two lattes a year. Someone get over to Starbucks and get me a grande mocha.

Hugo Chavez II

BHO Taileprompter: I am so glad Hugo Chavez is only a dictator and not a king. I didn't have to bow down this time.

Sunday, April 19, 2009


BHO Taileprompter: I love Sunday now that I don't have to attend church anymore. It's great to sleep in and I don't feel like a hypocrite.

"Vagina friendly"

BHO Taileprompter: Rosario Dawson said I was "vagina friendly." Hmm.. maybe for her.

Rush Limbaugh

BHO Taileprompter: I hate Rush Limbaugh. I want to kick his butt.

Saturday, April 18, 2009

Hugo Chavez

BHO Taileprompter: I love Hugo Chavez. He promised me some tips on socialism and how to become "President for life."

Friday, April 17, 2009

Tea Parties

BHO Taileprompter: The tea parties must have been fizzled out. There was no mention on the front page of the New York Times.

Disapproval number

BHO Taileprompter: I can't believe 32% of Americans strongly disapprove of me. They must be racists.

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Administration jobs

BHO Taileprompter: I still have over 100 administration jobs available. If you are a tax cheat, you may qualify.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

College grants

BHO Taileprompter: I got a letter from Occidental College today. Since I am claiming to be an American citizen now, they want me to repay the foreign student grants they gave me.

New dog

BHO Taileprompter: Thank God, I finally got this dog. Now, I will have an excuse to walk those two blocks to the drug dealers street corner.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Stock market

BHO Taileprompter: I can't believe the stock market goes down every time I speak. Get me a new teleprompter.

"Breaking in" the White House

BHO Taileprompter: Let's see: The Oval Office, the Lincoln Bedroom, The Roosevelt room.... Hey Michelle, we forgot to "break in" the Roosevelt room.

Monday, April 13, 2009

On the desk

BHO Taileprompter: Michelle, meet me in the Oval Office at 11:00 PM. If JFK and Marilyn could leave their DNA on a desktop, so can we.

Pirates V

BHO Taileprompter: People want me to take action against the pirates in Somalia. There is no way I will do that. I saw "Blackhawk Down" and I was terrified.

Sunday, April 12, 2009

Pirates IV

BHO Taileprompter: I have to convince the public I ordered the rescue. If they find out a navel officer made the decision, I will look bad. Have an "unnamed" official lie to the press.

Pirates III

BHO Taileprompter: I sicked the military on those pirates. This will show my critics I have a "pair." Now, back to that list of planned military cuts.

Pirates II

BHO Taileprompter: Talks have broken down in the pirate standoff. Someone get over to Walmart and pick up another ipod.

Saturday, April 11, 2009


BHO Taileprompter: Hey Rahm, can we use taxpayer money to pay the pirate's ransom on that American captain? I want to get the Media focus back on my tax increases.


BHO Taileprompter: I can't believe people think I am an elitist. Michelle, is that pizza I ordered from Chicago here yet?


BHO Taileprompter: I feel a need to get in touch with my roots. I think I should visit my birthplace. Rahm, schedule a trip to Kenya.

Friday, April 10, 2009

The Economy

BHO Taileprompter: I have to get the economy fixed quickly. China is calling and threatening to fire me.

Poll numbers dropping

BHO Taileprompter: Rahm, my poll numbers are dropping. I need some positive propaganda. Get the New York Times on the phone.

Thursday, April 9, 2009


BHO Taileprompter: I found a box on Bill Clinton's old cigars in the closet. I wonder if they are still any good. Hmm..taste hand dipped.

Book deal

BHO Taileprompter: I have gotten a new book deal. I need to call Bill Ayers and have him get started writing the first draft.

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Al Qaeda

BHO Taileprompter: I have reached a compromise with Al Qaeda. I am ending the war on terror and they have promised to kill us last.


BHO Taileprompter: We need to count every illegal alien in the 2010 census. I want a canvasser at every Home Depot parking lot in America.

Visiting a Muslim country

BHO Taileprompter: Visiting a Muslim country and going to a Mosque was good for my soul. It somehow felt "right."

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Badmouthing America

BHO Taileprompter: I wonder if I went too far Badmouthing America while overseas? I'll call Reverend Wright and get his opinion.

Economic stimulus

BHO Taileprompter: Trying to stimulate the economy is expensive. A trillion here, a trillion there, pretty soon it will add up to real money.

Monday, April 6, 2009

The Constitution

BHO Taileprompter: It's going to be cool tonight. I need something to help start a fire. I have already burned my birth certificate. What other document will I never need? Rahm, call the National Archives and have them bring over the Constitution.


BHO Taileprompter: I wonder how I can make peace with the Taliban? I got it! I will give them an ipod with my greatest speeches.


BHO Taileprompter: Wow! These Europeans worship me. Americans will worship me too after I finish socializing them.

Sunday, April 5, 2009

Online town hall

BHO Taileprompter: I can't believe they asked me to legalize marijuana. Now, if they had asked about blow...

NK missile launch

BHO Taileprompter: North Korea has defied me and launched their missile. This is my first international crisis. I need to get expert advice on how to handle this situation. I got it! I will call Oprah.

Saturday, April 4, 2009

Blagojevich II

BHO Taileprompter: I need to permanently silence Blago before he spills his guts. If I call the CIA, they may have ethical issues. I know! I'll call Bill Clinton.


BHO Taileprompter: I can't believe Blagojevich tried to sell my Senate seat for $1 million. Hell, I paid more for it than that.

Birth certificate

BHO Taileprompter: The White House is cold this morning. I think I will light the fireplace. What? No kindling? I'll use my original "vault" copy birth certificate. I'm never going to need that again. Burn baby burn.

Friday, April 3, 2009

Gitmo inmates

BHO Taileprompter: Hugo Chavez wants our Gitmo inmates. Too bad I promised them to Acorn.

Being called a socialist

BHO Taileprompter: I hate being called a socialist. I am not a socialist. I am a communist. Get it right. Damn it!

Michelle's booty

BHO Taileprompter: Michelle sure does have a fine booty. I just love a woman with a big booty.

Premier of China

BHO Taileprompter: The Premier of China is on the phone. Quick! Someone get my teleprompter!

The King

BHO Taileprompter: I am tired of being the President. I want to be king.

The ipod gift

BHO Taileprompter: That sure was a fine ipod I gave the Queen. My homeboys in Chicago would kill for an ipod that fine.

Meeting the Queen

BHO Taileprompter: Queen Elizabeth II is so rude. She didn't even offer to bow down before me.