Thursday, April 30, 2009

Chrysler bankruptcy

BHO Taileprompter: I failed to save Chrysler from bankruptcy. I must do something to save GM. I will help promote GM's vehicle. I have been wanting a Hummer.

Sleeper agent

BHO Taileprompter: We have activated our first sleeper agent, Arlen Specter. My plan to turn America into a Communist dictatorship with me as "President for life" is coming together.

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Swine flu II

BHO Taileprompter: I am taking aggressive action to stop swine flu. I am eating bacon, sausage and pork for breakfast until this pandemic is stopped.

New York flyby

BHO Taileprompter: Authorizing the Air Force 1 photo op flyby of the Statue of liberty was a mistake. I should have Photoshoped it like my birth certificate.

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Prosecuting Bush officials

BHO Taileprompter: We need to prosecute Bush officials for torture. Hmm..I authorized the killing of three Somalis. Crap! They will prosecute me for murder after I leave office.

Monday, April 27, 2009


BHO Taileprompter: Damn it. I got ahead of my teleprompter. I have to stop snorting crank before giving speeches.

Sunday, April 26, 2009


BHO Taileprompter: I need for my health care bill to be nonpartisan. Tell the Republicans to vote for it or else!

Saturday, April 25, 2009

Swine flu

BHO Taileprompter: This swine flu outbreak is getting serious. I hope it wasn't caused by all the pork in the stimulus.

Getting rich

BHO Taileprompter: Al Gore has gotten rich claiming anthropogenic climate change. When I leave office, I'll get rich promoting anthropogenic meteor strikes.

Friday, April 24, 2009


BHO Taileprompter: Crap! Bo ate my stash. I'll have the secret service follow him around with a pooper scooper.


BHO Taileprompter: Michelle! This stupid dog is peeing on my leg again!

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Janet Napolitano

BHO Taileprompter: Janet Napolitano thinks the 9-11 hijackers came from Canada? Quick. Get her a teleprompter.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Torture memos II

BHO Taileprompter: I would like to water board Dick Cheney.


BHO Taileprompter: I hate sneaking up to the roof to smoke. I'll take the batteries out of the Oval Office bathroom smoke detector.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Torture memos

BHO Taileprompter: Rahm, find out who the moron was who authorized the release of the memos that proved the CIA interrogation techniques worked. Oh, that was me.

Budget cut II

BHO Taileprompter: I can't believe people don't consider $100 million a lot of money. That is 1/7 of what I spent to buy the Presidency.

Monday, April 20, 2009

Budget cut

BHO Taileprompter: People are claiming my proposed $100 million budget cut is the same as giving up two lattes a year. Someone get over to Starbucks and get me a grande mocha.

Hugo Chavez II

BHO Taileprompter: I am so glad Hugo Chavez is only a dictator and not a king. I didn't have to bow down this time.

Sunday, April 19, 2009


BHO Taileprompter: I love Sunday now that I don't have to attend church anymore. It's great to sleep in and I don't feel like a hypocrite.

"Vagina friendly"

BHO Taileprompter: Rosario Dawson said I was "vagina friendly." Hmm.. maybe for her.

Rush Limbaugh

BHO Taileprompter: I hate Rush Limbaugh. I want to kick his butt.

Saturday, April 18, 2009

Hugo Chavez

BHO Taileprompter: I love Hugo Chavez. He promised me some tips on socialism and how to become "President for life."

Friday, April 17, 2009

Tea Parties

BHO Taileprompter: The tea parties must have been fizzled out. There was no mention on the front page of the New York Times.

Disapproval number

BHO Taileprompter: I can't believe 32% of Americans strongly disapprove of me. They must be racists.

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Administration jobs

BHO Taileprompter: I still have over 100 administration jobs available. If you are a tax cheat, you may qualify.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

College grants

BHO Taileprompter: I got a letter from Occidental College today. Since I am claiming to be an American citizen now, they want me to repay the foreign student grants they gave me.

New dog

BHO Taileprompter: Thank God, I finally got this dog. Now, I will have an excuse to walk those two blocks to the drug dealers street corner.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Stock market

BHO Taileprompter: I can't believe the stock market goes down every time I speak. Get me a new teleprompter.

"Breaking in" the White House

BHO Taileprompter: Let's see: The Oval Office, the Lincoln Bedroom, The Roosevelt room.... Hey Michelle, we forgot to "break in" the Roosevelt room.

Monday, April 13, 2009

On the desk

BHO Taileprompter: Michelle, meet me in the Oval Office at 11:00 PM. If JFK and Marilyn could leave their DNA on a desktop, so can we.

Pirates V

BHO Taileprompter: People want me to take action against the pirates in Somalia. There is no way I will do that. I saw "Blackhawk Down" and I was terrified.

Sunday, April 12, 2009

Pirates IV

BHO Taileprompter: I have to convince the public I ordered the rescue. If they find out a navel officer made the decision, I will look bad. Have an "unnamed" official lie to the press.

Pirates III

BHO Taileprompter: I sicked the military on those pirates. This will show my critics I have a "pair." Now, back to that list of planned military cuts.

Pirates II

BHO Taileprompter: Talks have broken down in the pirate standoff. Someone get over to Walmart and pick up another ipod.

Saturday, April 11, 2009


BHO Taileprompter: Hey Rahm, can we use taxpayer money to pay the pirate's ransom on that American captain? I want to get the Media focus back on my tax increases.


BHO Taileprompter: I can't believe people think I am an elitist. Michelle, is that pizza I ordered from Chicago here yet?


BHO Taileprompter: I feel a need to get in touch with my roots. I think I should visit my birthplace. Rahm, schedule a trip to Kenya.

Friday, April 10, 2009

The Economy

BHO Taileprompter: I have to get the economy fixed quickly. China is calling and threatening to fire me.

Poll numbers dropping

BHO Taileprompter: Rahm, my poll numbers are dropping. I need some positive propaganda. Get the New York Times on the phone.

Thursday, April 9, 2009


BHO Taileprompter: I found a box on Bill Clinton's old cigars in the closet. I wonder if they are still any good. Hmm..taste hand dipped.

Book deal

BHO Taileprompter: I have gotten a new book deal. I need to call Bill Ayers and have him get started writing the first draft.

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Al Qaeda

BHO Taileprompter: I have reached a compromise with Al Qaeda. I am ending the war on terror and they have promised to kill us last.


BHO Taileprompter: We need to count every illegal alien in the 2010 census. I want a canvasser at every Home Depot parking lot in America.

Visiting a Muslim country

BHO Taileprompter: Visiting a Muslim country and going to a Mosque was good for my soul. It somehow felt "right."

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Badmouthing America

BHO Taileprompter: I wonder if I went too far Badmouthing America while overseas? I'll call Reverend Wright and get his opinion.

Economic stimulus

BHO Taileprompter: Trying to stimulate the economy is expensive. A trillion here, a trillion there, pretty soon it will add up to real money.

Monday, April 6, 2009

The Constitution

BHO Taileprompter: It's going to be cool tonight. I need something to help start a fire. I have already burned my birth certificate. What other document will I never need? Rahm, call the National Archives and have them bring over the Constitution.


BHO Taileprompter: I wonder how I can make peace with the Taliban? I got it! I will give them an ipod with my greatest speeches.


BHO Taileprompter: Wow! These Europeans worship me. Americans will worship me too after I finish socializing them.

Sunday, April 5, 2009

Online town hall

BHO Taileprompter: I can't believe they asked me to legalize marijuana. Now, if they had asked about blow...

NK missile launch

BHO Taileprompter: North Korea has defied me and launched their missile. This is my first international crisis. I need to get expert advice on how to handle this situation. I got it! I will call Oprah.

Saturday, April 4, 2009

Blagojevich II

BHO Taileprompter: I need to permanently silence Blago before he spills his guts. If I call the CIA, they may have ethical issues. I know! I'll call Bill Clinton.


BHO Taileprompter: I can't believe Blagojevich tried to sell my Senate seat for $1 million. Hell, I paid more for it than that.

Birth certificate

BHO Taileprompter: The White House is cold this morning. I think I will light the fireplace. What? No kindling? I'll use my original "vault" copy birth certificate. I'm never going to need that again. Burn baby burn.

Friday, April 3, 2009

Gitmo inmates

BHO Taileprompter: Hugo Chavez wants our Gitmo inmates. Too bad I promised them to Acorn.

Being called a socialist

BHO Taileprompter: I hate being called a socialist. I am not a socialist. I am a communist. Get it right. Damn it!

Michelle's booty

BHO Taileprompter: Michelle sure does have a fine booty. I just love a woman with a big booty.

Premier of China

BHO Taileprompter: The Premier of China is on the phone. Quick! Someone get my teleprompter!

The King

BHO Taileprompter: I am tired of being the President. I want to be king.

The ipod gift

BHO Taileprompter: That sure was a fine ipod I gave the Queen. My homeboys in Chicago would kill for an ipod that fine.

Meeting the Queen

BHO Taileprompter: Queen Elizabeth II is so rude. She didn't even offer to bow down before me.