Sunday, May 31, 2009

Stoping the critics

BHO Taileprompter: I need to make my critics look stupid. Call the CDC and find out what virus Joe Biden is infected with.

Saturday, May 30, 2009

Burger runs

BHO Taileprompter: So, NK is testing nukes and launching missiles, the Iranians are developing nukes and the Taliban are resurgent. Anyone want to go for a burger?

Friday, May 29, 2009

Sotomayor is a racist

BHO Taileprompter: MY SCOTUS nominee Sotomayor is accused of being a racist against white men. Is that wrong?

Thursday, May 28, 2009

Chrysler dealership closings

BHO Taileprompter: I didn't close those Chrysler dealerships because they donated to the GOP. I closed them because they are rich white Republican scum.

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Burris tapes

BHO Taileprompter: So, Burris Promised to 'do something' for Blagojevich to get my Senate seat. I promised to do something to Blagojevich if he opened his mouth and talked.

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Hispanic Supreme court pick

BHO Taileprompter: Picking a hispanic for the Supreme Court shold lock the illegal migrant vote up for Democrats in the next election.

Monday, May 25, 2009

Memorial Day

BHO Taileprompter: Rahm, plan a working cook out for Memorial Day. I want to plan some more military budget cuts.

Sunday, May 24, 2009

White House briefings

BHO Taileprompter: I want all the White House briefings done in "rap" from now on.

Saturday, May 23, 2009

Joe Biden's mouth

BHO Taileprompter: Has that duct tape I ordered arrived? Tell Joe Biden I need to see him.

Friday, May 22, 2009

Stopping terrorists

BHO Taileprompter: Upholding values will shield us from terror. If that fails, I will name Bill Ayers my envoy to Al Qaeda.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Closing Gitmo

BHO Taileprompter: If the Democrats in Congress won't give me any money, I will house the terrorists in trailers on the White House lawn.

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

New mileage standards

BHO Taileprompter: I hope people don't find out I drove a Chrysler 300c. It only got 18 MPG in Chicago. I would have bought a World Car, but I didn't want to look gay.

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Increasing gas mileage

BHO Taileprompter: My new regulations will save gas and force people to buy electric cars. We won't have gas tax revenue to fix roads? No problem. I'll tax electricity.

Monday, May 18, 2009

Al Gore

BHO Taileprompter: Al Gore is on the phone. He saw the latest global warming numbers and is feeling suicidal.

Palestinian statehood

BHO Taileprompter: There will be a Palestinian state before my term ends. Allah Akbar! Oops. I mean God willing.

Nancy Pelosi

BHO Taileprompter: Bring the Secret Service bus to the Capitol. I need something to throw Nancy Pelosi under.

Sunday, May 17, 2009

Notre Dame protests

BHO Taileprompter: These abortion protesters misunderstand my position. I am pro life. Mine.

Saturday, May 16, 2009

Talking to Pelosi about CIA

BHO Taileprompter: I tried to call Nancy Pelosi and talk about this CIA/torture mess, but she was too busy trying to remove her foot from her mouth.

Friday, May 15, 2009

CIA and Pelosi

BHO Taileprompter: I wonder why Nancy Pelosi is angry the CIA lied to her. She never complains when I do it.

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Warning Israel not to attack Iran

BHO Taileprompter: I warned Israel not to attack my brethren in Iran. If they do, I am going to hold my breath until I turn blue.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Detainee photos

BHO Taileprompter: I have decided to not release the detainee photos. I want them for my private collection.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Consumer spending

BHO Taileprompter: Consumer spending needs to improve to end the recession. I will raise taxes and keep raising taxes until people have more money to spend.

New taxes

BHO Taileprompter: Rahm, tell the Democrats in the Senate there is no way I will let them tax Coke. Oh, they mean the sugary drink.

Monday, May 11, 2009

Inheritance tax

BHO Taileprompter: I see dead people and I think I know a way to tax them.

Wanda Sykes

BHO Taileprompter: When Wanda Sykes said, "I hope Rush Limbaugh's kidneys fail." My bladder failed. Good thing I was wearing a dark suit.

Sunday, May 10, 2009


BHO Taileprompter: I don't understand Rush Limbaugh doing Oxycontin. Smoking crack is so much more fun.

Saturday, May 9, 2009

Meeting Barney Frank

BHO Taileprompter: Barney Frank just called- he wants to meet me in mens room. Signal is 2 long 1 short foot tap followed by stress test.

Friday, May 8, 2009

Funding gay bar research

BHO Taileprompter: People are upset over the $400K spent on gay bar research. I guess I will just do that research myself.

Thursday, May 7, 2009

Tax enforcement

BHO Taileprompter: I am doubling the tax law enforcement budget. This won't be popular with my Cabinet.

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

National Prayer Day

BHO Taileprompter: People should get off my back over skipping National Prayer day. I pray 5 times per day towards Mecca.

Illegal aliens

BHO Taileprompter: I have to put a stop to the INS deporting illegal aliens. If not, they may come get me next.

Monday, May 4, 2009

Bond holders

BHO Taileprompter: They are lying when they say I threatened Chrysler bondholders with bad PR. I threatened them with the IRS.

White House reporters

BHO Taileprompter: Gibbs, I want the White House reporters on "bended knee" when I enter the press room.

Sunday, May 3, 2009


BHO Taileprompter: After a hard day "presidenting," it feels good to slip into a snuggie and watch ABC trash my opponents.

Saturday, May 2, 2009

Supreme Court replacement

BHO Taileprompter: When I replace Souter, I need to cover one of my constituent bases. I'll nominate William Ayers. Then, I'll have my terrorist base covered.

Friday, May 1, 2009

Prisoner pictures

BHO Taileprompter: These pictures I released of Al Qaeda being masked and chained nude are disgusting. They remind me of my honeymoon.

Oval Office

BHO Taileprompter: Time to start a new day. I'll head over to my throne room. Oops! I mean Oval Office.