Beer summit

BHO Taileprompter: I had a hard time deciding the correct beer for the beer summit. Since, I invited a cop, I chose Colt 45.

Changing ObamaCare

BHO Taileprompter: If the Blue dogs want to change ObamaCare, let them take out the part where we euthanize old people to save money.

Poll numbers

BHO Taileprompter: My poll numbers are still dropping. Fire the New York Times and MSNBC. The Huffington Post will do all our PR now.

CBO

BHO Taileprompter: The CBO keeps calling my ObamaCare plan savings a lie. Fire the head of the CBO. Oh crap. He doesn't work for me.

Health care speech

BHO Taileprompter: Americans aren't buying my health care reform speeches. I wonder why? Get me a different teleprompter!

Rescuing the economy

BHO Taileprompter: I have "rescued the economy." Time for a smoke and a quickie.

Hillary Clinton

BHO Taileprompter: Rahm, get my Secretary Of State on the phone. You don't remember her name? Me neither.

Canned pork

BHO Taileprompter: Why are people upset we bought $16 million in canned pork with stimulus money? I am donating it to my friends the Israelis.

Health insurance for illegals

BHO Taileprompter: Democrats defeated the Republican amendment to strip coverage of illegals from health care reform. Finally, my aunt in Boston will be able to get coverage.

Democrat's Health Care Plan

BHO Taileprompter: I can't sign a plan that increases the deficit. Keep cooking the books until you show a surplus.

Health care reform

BHO Taileprompter: Have heart we will pass health care reform. Of course, after it passes you will have to wait years if you need a new heart.

Statue

BHO Taileprompter: I am thinking about tearing down the Washington Monument and building a statue of myself in it's place.

Nationalized Health care

BHO Taileprompter: If republicans don't like my nationalizing of health care, I'll Rahm it up their butts.

Meeting the Pope

BHO Taileprompter: I would have bowed down for the Pope, but I only do that for Arab Kings and Communist dictators.

Rattner resigns

BHO Taileprompter: Kudos to Rattner for saving the UAW...err..GM and Chrysler.

Poor economic news

BHO Taileprompter: The stimulus plan is working as intended. As soon as the economy completely collapses, people will embrace my socialist agenda.

Leering at a booty

BHO Taileprompter: Michelle is mad about me leering at that woman's booty in France. It sure was a fine caboose though.

Blackberry

BHO Taileprompter: My high tech Blackberry has a virus. I need to stay off YouPorn.

Presidential Approval Rating is -5

BHO Taileprompter: OMG. My Presidential Approval Rating is -5. Raise taxes and keep raising them until my approval goes up.

GM and Chrysler sales down

BHO Taileprompter: Chrysler, GM and Toyota had the worst sales performance in June. What can I do? I'll buy a Lexus!

Trip to Russia

BHO Taileprompter: I am looking forward to this trip to Russia. They have a lot of great Mosques there.

NK missiles

BHO Taileprompter: Take me to the bunker. NK is firing missiles at us. Oh wait, that's just fireworks.

Unemployment

BHO Taileprompter: Unemployment is up to 9.5%. Hire more czars!

Vacation

BHO Taileprompter: I think I will skip my annual pilgrimage to Mecca and vacation at Martha's Vineyard this year.